At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We need to get me chipped asap
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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