Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
