look no pants
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
