I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
