one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
