i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
