YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
