Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
