No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
