so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It's Friday. Sex?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
