Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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