y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I smell stomach acid.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
