This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
