mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
