just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just had sex bonerless
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
