3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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