the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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