Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
