Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
