I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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