Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
