I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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