I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
