Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
