does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
