Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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