does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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