Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
