I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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