Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Randomize
