Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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