I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
