He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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