I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
