i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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