after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
