i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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