I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
