dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
