Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Its about making memories worth repressing
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
