You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
