Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
