Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
