Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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