Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
