Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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