I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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