I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
