I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
