I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
