Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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