her vagine was all disorganized.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
