So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
